By the third date, the relationship had taken its course. They both knew it, but had given so much to it so fast, they couldn’t let it die. Not without a fight. That’s how I saw it. If that was the start of something, I’m worried about the future of them. It doesn’t seem outlandish an ending to me. They started with pure passion; a playful, sensual energy on the first date. The way he told it, I could tell he was caught up on her. Or it. I imagine any man would.
They met Friday after the club he told me. “You were there man. Remember, little yellow shawty walking out with us, I gave her my jacket?” I did remember the move, but thought he lost her at that. He moved fast. Mega was always a smooth muthafucka that way. “Yeah, man, we chopped it up a couple days later and went out a few nights ago. Shit man, she just left the crib about an hour ago. That’s why I’m calling man.” This was a rare one. He’s known to be a boastful person, but I didn’t take him to call and brag about his sexual conquests, not at his age at least. Or did he need advice I thought. Maybe I should sit down for this. I glanced at my clock. No time to chill. Had to get in at the slave ship in 25 minutes and it was a 30 minute drive. I still felt like I hadn’t slept in a week, not quite recovered from my weekend getaway to Texas. “So we fucked the first night. But that’s not the point. Not exactly. I’ll have to get back to that.” Yeah, muthafucker you better, I thought. Calling me before 9 am. it was only 8 am there, so he was definitely up earlier than usual. “Ay man, sorry for waking you up with this shit. But she just beat the shit outta me breh.” I decided to sit down. This was going to be a good one.
“Nigga, did you just say she kicked your ass? Maybe I didn’t hear you correctly as I sipped my coffee. She was like five foot two” I said chuckling hard enough to spill said coffee on my fresh pressed Kenneth Cole shit. “Fuck this is going to be funny. So fool what did you say to her?”
“That’s it. I didn’t say anything. Let me explain. Long story short we was fucking. She got on top. It started getting good to her. Shit it was getting good to me. Then boom. She just starts punching me. Two to the chest. I drop my shoulders like the gooch is on me and she swings two to the face. Bitch was faster than Sugar Ray. Power like a young Foreman. Knocked my fake teeth out of place. I had to push them back in fast as shit before she saw them. Now I’m like what the fuck am I supposed to do with her man? I thought she was girlfriend material, but I might wanna just punch her when I see her now. Like what if I’m able to hold this shit in until the day we get married, but then, instead of ‘I Do’, I sucker punch her ass, with brass knuckles on, like fuck a wedding band.”
“Maybe she just isn’t the one for you. No use in catching domestic violence charges trying to start a family right? Your big ass is definitely going to lose in court,” I said between chuckles.
“If it was as easy as it sounds on paper, I wouldn’t be calling you. But if you want me to go through the pros and cons I will.”
“That sounds interesting. Maybe we’ll get back to that. So ya’ll fuck the first night ya’ll dated? You didn’t see crazy coming? Maybe you wanted this shit to happen man. She looked normal, but you never know.”
“That’s why I’m calling man. I think she might be a match. I’m not saying she is the one just yet. I don’t know. But does this make her a deal breaker breh? I mean. You seen her. She was cute. Like a young Halle Barre or Joy Reid or something from the Prince camp, like Vanity with short hair. She was working that little body man. Turns out she a smart chick. College grad. HBCU like me. Oh and she got this dope ass elephant tattoo on her back, a sorority tramp stamp. Great target practice. So the first night, we hadn’t wasted time talking on the phone, trying to lie to each other. We just met up for a game of pool and was chilling and talking and shit. She was cool and just chilling. Little halter top and fitted jeans, so she had the boys looking. I was in G mode as usual so no stress. Anyway. the mood was cool, so we went from the pool game to dinner from dinner to a bar from the bar to the strip club. By the time we left there to go back to her car, it was like 2 am or something..”
“So wait, ya’ll kicked up like half a day or something?”
“Yea I mean I got there a bit before 6 thinking I’d be home by 10 or 11, but got back here about 4 am on a weeknight man. I mean I go in at two, but it’s still a work night. And man don’t tell nobody this shit. I am only sharing it all because I need advice.”
“Man I doubt anybody gives a fuck about what you’re doing with your dick. Maybe your doctor.”
“So we get back to her car. We left it at the restaurant, since drinks, whatever. So we start outside of my door. She got her little body pressed against mine, my dick is getting harder, she slides her hands into my dickies and starts grabbing and stroking then she reaches past, i mean wrist deep in my belt loop, and massages my balls. Player, you know I’m a ball boy. I’m scanning the parking lot for voyeurs, but its pretty fucking empty. I guess there could have been some prep workers on the inside but that didn’t phase her, so it didn’t phase me. Before I know it, she is straddling me in my passenger with her bra off and we are shoving our tongues down each others throats like we’re trying to baby bird each other. I’m curling my fingers in her pussy, but them tight ass jeans weren’t giving me enough wiggle room, she knew it too, so she pulled them off, and I’m thinking hell yeah, car sex. Before I could slip my dick or my fingers back in, my face beat my other extremities to the punch. I didn’t know I liked eating pussy, but I had her thighs wrapped around my skull and her head by my floorboard for so long, it would be a lie to say I wasn’t converted right then in the dead of the night my nigga, can i get an amen. I only came up for air and to scan the highway exit for cars. Pussy tasted like a honey pot. I’m a call it Winnie the Pooh-say”
“Yeah fucking in broad daylight at the crack of dawn, that’s a pretty bold move, but I guess it couldn’t wait another hour to drive to your house huh? That’s beast mode breh. Not worth the fine in my book. I think public sex gets you on a sex offenders list down there in Texas man. Better be careful.”
“Man you probably right. I better look into that. They probably hang people for shit like that out here. You would think the cowboys would get it, with their affliction for saloons and broke backing. But I guess Colorado is the true libertarian state. They might even cut the wang off here in Texas still. So I was eating her pussy right, when she does this handstand twist and fall thing where she lands right on my dick. And trust me man, its dark and I’ve been drinking, but I’m clear enough to remember how fucking scared I was when I saw she was letting her gravity fall. I just tensed up and froze. Like how is she doing this limber gym shit in a fucking tight spaced car. Shit if I would have moved, she would have broke my dick probably”. He was pacing. I could hear his energy picking up as his voice became more enthused on the other end. I checked my clock. 5 more minutes and then its shower time.
“So she got some bomb? I don’t see the problem. And she just left your house. Sounds like you’re calling to rub it in man. But she just whipped your ass, so I’m not sure what I’m missing man. You had to say something. I know you. So why did you call her a bitch?”
“Naw man. I’m telling you. I think it was a sexual thing. After that night, we hung again the other day, Tuesday. She works in Carrolton, so we just met up since I was off. We fucked for like 4 hours straight. I cooked us some tacos. We fucked for another two hours. Same thing the next day, except I made a pizza hahaha. I had to go back to work the other day, so we chilled, but she came by yesterday night since I’m off and she can get to her job quicker from here. Anyway, I was chilling and playing video games, and she was getting ready for her day, but it was early as shit, like 7 am. I’m playing games just to stay up and lock the door. She hops out the shower, body all wet, smelling like some herbal essence crack shit, and my morning wood shook me up like ‘sha-boing’. I pulled shorty over to the bed and she flipped her legs up over my head like before but this time on some horizontal superwoman shit. She pulls the sheet back and starts just working on my dick. Breakfast of Champion style…”
“Ay man, I gotta get to work. I ain’t got time for this porno shit right now. Fool, what did you say? Fuck that. Did she get you good? I bet she gave you a black eye. You probably cried like a bitch. Begging her to stop. You call the police yet bitch boy?”
“It was a sexual thing man. She was down there working it so good, I just flipped her over and got to working it raw dog, turning her over and back on her stomach again and again like every other minute and shit, taking turns from behind and in front, eating her pussy and fucking her so hard I thought I was about to break her little ass in half. I know I was trying to. I got her on her back again but then she rolled me over and sprung up on top me man. I think this bitch knows tai chi. She leaned back and started like jack knifing my whole fucking groin, riding like a balancing beam and shit. i swear she was trying to break my dick. Then she bounced back up. Sprung up like a door spring, slammed back on my dick with her knees down and started rocking back and forth on me like one of those sand/balloon dolls that never tip over. She was bobbing and weaving . Yea, I should have known it was coming the way she was bobbing and weaving. Next thing I know, two piece filet to the chest. Shit caught me off guard. I’m looking at her like what the fuck, not moving at all and she just smiled this sexy grin and grabbed on her titties then licked her lips and stuffed a thumb in her mouth with her eyes rolling in the back of her head. It was like, possessed and demonic and cherubic and angelic all at once man. I knew she was coming something crazy. Kegel muscles talking to a nigga but my brain is still like this bitch just hit me. Before I could even process why, she rocked forward and came with a quick left on my chin and the hardest right hand I’ve caught since my brother learned how to knock a nigga out. I had to push her little ass up off me man.”
I was laughing my ass off. But very happy he didn’t overreact. “Okay. Okay. You’re right. That was just pure freak. So what you need help getting her back man? Trying to get even? My advice, beat that pussy up before she beats you up hahaha.”
“For real man, I need to figure this shit out. Like if you were me, would you erase her number cause of this? Is that too much? Is this too much? I mean, its bad sign right?
”Fool. I’m usually calling you talking about some girl this or some girl that. If she got your attention, no matter how she got it, I’d pay attention a bit longer before you decide to change the channel. If she starts pulling razors and batons and shit, let me know, but maybe ask her if she ever fucks without fighting. She might have some daddy rape issues or something. Get into that shit early breh. Especially if you think you like her. But yea man. I gotta get ready for the job. Slaveship calling. You going to hit her up later today?
“I don’t know, probably, if I don’t get to..”, he said before I interrupted.
“That’s right, she already hit you up today. Hahaha. Fucking punk. Getting beat up by tiny little fairy bitches. I knew you was pussy boy. Hahaha. I’ll catch you later.
“Yea man, whatever”, he said. “I’ll keep you posted. Might take a few days to digest this shit before I see her again. Enjoy the day broham. Peace.”