Sinkholes and Moonjumps and Treyvon Martin: Florida Is Trying To Kill Us In Strange Ways

A man fell to his death while he slept when a sinkhole engulfed his bedroom and sucked him into the abyss. That man, Jeff Bush, was not a household name before and likely, won’t be a household name ever. While his death is no doubt tragic, the big thing to note is the introduction of the sinkhole as a modern way to die in Florida. All of a sudden they are popping up on the western coast of the state and the world is like, beware!

The same thing happened the last time Florida gave us another unique way to die. The Zombie murders from last year were a national sensation sparked by the introduction of bath salts and the Miami Zombie. And here we are, less than a year later, fascinated with sinkholes. And one year later, no one knows remember’s the Zombie or the homeless dudes names.

I’m talking about making a name for yourself. Its your rep. It’s the most important thing you create besides a child. You know why its important? Because you don’t want your death to have a headline without your name in it.

“Man Sucked Into Sinkhole. Dead”
“Man on Zombie Drugs Shot Dead While Eating Mans Face”

Last year, Felix Baumgartner jumped from the stratosphere and fell into earth’s lap, all documented on HD quality video for all of us to witness. In my opinion it was the greatest feat I have witnessed in my lifetime. But before that, Baumgartner made a name for himself as the world’s best daredevil. If he would have died in route to earth, I am sure his headline would have included his name. But he’s not from Florida, so I guess I’m just saying.

You know who is from Florida? Treyvon Martin, who’s death would have been ignored and who’s headline would have been fabricated had it not been for a national outcry against the criminal Zimmerman and Florida’s absurdly subjective Stand Your Ground Law. The kids reputation was immediately soiled by a racist criminal system and that good ol’ media conglomerate we call Fox. Friends and family who knew him rallied against the lies. Now those same people are working to bring justice to the trials and tribulations of the Martin family and engrave a triumphant headline into a tombstone of tragedy.

Make your rep before they write your headlines. Because these days, you never know when you’ll make the papers.


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