If you’re doing it, you aren’t talking about it. If you’ve read my blog, it would seem I’m celibate. I assure you, its only because I think sex is extremely important. I had some great conversation with friends about this, and most would agree that its fun, healthy, and quite possibly the best the thing in the world. The righteous try to deny it, but even they realize the truth, when it dawns on them in that first 5 minutes post coital. The truth that without it, we wouldn’t be here. The truth is, we go through a lot of changes in life, but rarely does our sex change. The truth is the world is divided. Divided by those who are fucking (or are fucked out ala Hugh Hefner and your grandma) and those who are not.
But what if I told you it was all about love. Well, I’m telling you. Its all about love. I believe that sex can be a tool to find love. As ridiculous as it sounds, few would argue its easy to love someone you don’t wanna fuck.
Of course, most people can’t agree to the huge importance of sex in our lives. They don’t want to sound immoral or seem perverted. They will say that love is built on trust and respect and honesty, and other abstract things that you can’t measure. At least when people say love is about money and maintenance, I can dig it. But when they say its based on some ethereal notion, I interpret that as outright dodging the question. I am not saying any answer is wrong, but if you weighed them out, the highest number of responses would go to sex. After all, you can build trust over pillow talk.
When I was a kid, I thought kissing a girl gave you a hard on. I knew girls had something different in their pants, but I’d never seen it. I kissed a girl when I was 5 years old and I remember this was the first time my dick got hard (Hellleer Monique -Madea Voice). When I was 8 or 9 years old, I saw my first pornography, with close up vulva shots and cum shots and became a man. Once I realized the pleasure that came from a fully grown woman, I couldn’t wait to mature. I am just saying what we all thought on that day you woke and felt that uncontrollable rush of hormones flooding your loins. Maybe it came later for you, but if you’re lucky, when it arrived, you took notice.
And ever since then, its been about control. Don’t do this. Don’t do that. Maybe its because my libido hit early, but I’d say anyone who doesn’t have to inhibit their sexual mind has a gift and a curse. What’s more? There are tons of rules outside of your mind to limit sex already.
I’m not gay, nor a lawyer, so I don’t know the particulars, but there are still anti sodomy laws on the books in many states. Most of these laws are based in religious laws dated thousands of years ago. Imagine that, even Moses had to admit he couldn’t think of anything else but busting a nut – check the commandments. Half of the old testament is about who to fuck, when to fuck, and how to fuck em. I don’t find too many virgins these days, but when I do, 5/10 do it for religious vows and the 5/10 are retarded. I am not saying there is anything wrong with withholding, but you can see the only crowd doing so isn’t thinking clearly. For the rest of us, its just a matter of time. A matter of opportunity. The moment. The time we got lucky. Scored. Hooked up. We live for the one night stand, the zipless fuck. Here’s the kicker -even after a 2 year engagement, it ends in sex. Take that religious nuts, no…um freaks, no…. folks, yeah. Take that religious folks.
I guess in the end, its more a matter of who is conservative with it and who is liberal with their sexuality. I definitely understand why you’d want to conserve it. There are major pitfalls that can arise from a sexually active lifestyle. Foremost, it is just a little dirty to put your penis inside a hole, especially considering the hole is a human body. At the end of your life, you don’t want to think about stuff like numbers. And since its not the NBA, it should never be a numbers game (now if you play in the NBA, it should be a numbers game because you vs. Wilt is a reality I can’t fathom, but you can!). It only takes one time to catch something you can’t get rid of. I mean crazy bitches and AIDs. There is the chance that you’re doing it too good and you break your dick. There’s a chance that you’re doing it too bad and you break your ego (but even bad sex is good for you, so pop a V and go hard!). Worst, there is always the chance that your dick or your tits will end up on the internet.. Sex is a blast until your vagina has its own URL.
I’ve got a few rules that I live by. I wish I could follow more, but I like to fuck, so I can’t afford to give a girl three dates before I let her have sex with me. I know. Call me a slut, but I feel like if we have a connection, I might just be a little naughty and fuck her before we know each other’s middle names. I know some of you girls are reading this and are shocked that any guy can be this easy, well I’m not like most guys…..
But seriously, here are the rules.
Don’t fuck a girl too young or too old. Divide your age by 2 and add 7 (some Muslim stuff I learned). Anything outside of that window is not good. This works both ways so if you’re dating older, divide their age by 2 and add 7. The resulting numbers seem natural and definitely abide by state and federal law. That rule removes a large number of women from the pool, naturally helping to limit the scope of possible mates, and thus my sexuality.
Never follow ”Date Rules”. There are a million different dating customs you can adopt, and I have tried many very early, when I still felt my sexuality hindered my spirituality. I dated a lot of ugly girls then too. Now, the only dating custom that I follow is no dating custom. Honestly, I think all of the rules and dating customs we have are intended to limit the ability of a woman to decide for herself, and that’s another aspect of the rape culture that we live in. In the end that is the only date rule you follow. What she says goes.
Wrap that shit up B. Do your best. Its a long life and if you live a worldly life, you have to keep your shield on, in this labyrinth of dungeons and dragons and disease dick dwellers. Remember, you don’t want numbers and the number one reason is disease. Imagine fucking 100 people with a condom and then 100 people without. One feels decent and one feels disgusting (in retrospect that is). Don’t let the grief of 1Million raw fucks beset you. Wrap that shit up B- Chappelle Show Voice
If the world followed these rules instead of their religious tenets and date books, I am sure we would be a happier and better society. There are no other rules needed. The rest is mostly preference. And once we find what we prefer, if it takes us 1 fuck or 100, we should fuck them as much as our bodies and minds allow us.
Before I explain why sex is the best way to find love, here is a list!
THE A-Z of SEX – continued on next page (NSFW)
THE A-Z of SEX
A – Anal – its what separates the little girls from the big girls. the men from the homos. without it, there’d be no ATMs, rimjobs, or DVDAs. A world without DVDA is a world not for me.
B – Bukkake – its a milkshake party. if a girl knows the meaning of bukkake, its fair to ask why? dominant form of porn in asia or so it seems from the shit we see online from overseas.
C – Cumshot – or the money shot if you ballin. its the magic ending. and lets be honest. girls care about it more than guys do. chicks panic if you don’t cum. sperm validates them.
D – Diseases – the elephant in the room while you’re trying to make it happen. this is why trust matters. but if you can’t trust a condom, who can you trust?
E – Extacy – alcohol might be responsible for more pregnancies, but only extacy is known for being good to fuck on. people do the drug because they want to fuck, without sex, its pointless.
F – Fellatio – if Anal separates the little girls from the big girls, fellatio separates the good from the bad. Only a bad girl would put that dirty candy in her mouth and smile so seductively after.
G – GSpot – let’s not talk about it, let’s be about it. Here is a map. Now you have no excuse not to find it. Aim with your fingers rarely, aim with your dick often. One day soon, you’ll find it.
H – Hand job – our first entry into the sex game. good old second base (if you’re playing in the majors.) We always remember our first kiss, our first time, and our first handy
I – Intercourse – the homerun. some do it slow and some do it quick, some use stones and others use sticks, but in the end, something has to go into a hole before you can call it sex. Sorry Bill.
J – Jizz – The first time I came was the result of a wet dream. I had a fever and assumed it was something associated with that. I didn’t cum again for 3 years. These were my wonder years.
K – Kinky – there is something called foreplay and in it, you build your libido to the big show. There’s many ways to do it. The sexiest go the kinky route. Spanks. Whips. Cuffs. Cream.
L – Lube – better bet caught with it then caught without it. It’s one of those things you don’t need to keep by the bed side. Plus it never hurts mix slippery when wet.
M – Milf – sex is all about having babies. Don’t forget that. And once she has that kid, hopefully she is a Milf. There ain’t nothing sexier than knowing a chick will be too busy to yap later.
N – Nipples – the only shared erotic zone on both men and women, albeit women are more sensitive. it gets pierced, punched, sucked, slapped, and squeezed, and comes back for more. ❤ data-blogger-escaped-b=”b”>
O – Oral- You’ve got to lick it before you stick it. You’ve got to bite it, before you knife it. Everybody needs a head start. And guys, if you’re gonna make her come, use every weapon.
P – Porn – one day you went online and discovered the reason the internet exists. And then you think it all makes sense. Al Gore’s addicted to porn. That’s why he’s drone.
Q – Queers – they’ here, they’re queer, they took over the fucking rainbow. The reason guys have to dress nice is queers keep raising the ceiling. They are the reason chivalry isn’t dead.
R – Rabbit – the first sex toy that had a name to go with it. before that, they were all dildos. that’s like calling starbucks a cup of joe. i don’t know any chick that uses one though, so….
S- Strap On – its nice to watch Pinky strap it on and tear porn chicks apart, but the truth is, she isn’t buying em all. housewives are buying them to fuck their husbands. facts. the burbs. go figure.
T- Threesome – the reason we use both ends of our bodies to fuck is because we should use them simultaneously. And honestly, what better way to meet people?
U – Underwear – at the end of the day, and usually the start, its the only thing that separates us. Like Adam and Eve in the garden, clothed in fear of who we truly are. Naked savages.
V – Virgin – i lost my virginity at 13. but the following summer, the girl said i didn’t get all the way in and she KNEW now. i didn’t lose it again until 17. I KNEW then. it took 2 minutes.
W – Whore – a word overused too many people. a whore takes money for sex. like the chicks in vegas. as slutty as we imagine the chick above to be, she is just a model, not a whore. message.
X – XXX – the universal sign for sex. when you’re young, its fun, but the older you get, the more you realize its just links to ron jeremy porn. that shit will disgust you after so long.
Y – Yeast infection – the only STD that comes with a smell. But even then you’re probably too drunk or arrogant to care. So strap it up at all times and if you can smell it, walk away.
Z – Zebra – a threesome with two or more people of another race. It’s what America is built on. 2BM/1WF or 2WM/3BF or 2AF/1HF or 2HM/2WF. The combinations are endless!
NOW BACK TO THE WORDS>>>>>>>>>>
After reading this list, its gonna be hard to believe that its all about love, but it truly is. Sex is a test of intimacy. Maybe a good kiss is a better way of calling a connection a connection, but its still a prequel to the real thing. I’m not saying every marriage is based on sex, but every marriage isn’t based on love. Love is based on Sex. Love is based on Sex. That physical attraction, that burst of hormones, that smell that acts as a natural aphrodisiac, everlonging desire to have and to hold, are all premonitions of what we would all call being in love. You’re never more aware of these feelings in yourself then within those first few minutes after sex, when you’re lying there asking why? Why did I just risk it? Why did I just make myself susceptible to disease and pregnancy and heartache and internet pics? And the answer will be one of two things. If you’re smart, the answer will be love.