I am addicted to sex and drugs and money. I know I am addicted because when I am without one, I crave it like an itch from a flea bite implores you to scratch.
Take sex for example. I can’t think of a day in my life where it hasn’t been on my mind. I wonder what it would be like to move through the world and not be controlled by it. Imagine listening to a girl and really caring about what she said. If only tits could talk right? But I digress. I know you’re not a nympho unless u act on it, but I have committed multiple sex acts in my head on you already, and this is just paragraph 2.
If someone said, “Hey Mega, if you could stay high, getting paid, or in some pussy every minute you are not asleep, would you do it?”, I’d seriously consider saying yes. Its been a long time since I been to an amusement park, and the yoga is coming slow, so seriously if life was that, I might say yes.
And to me that’s enough to say I’m addicted. The consideration alone. When it comes to axioms, I try to follow its the “everything in moderation” approach, and by that I mean almost everything. But I do not pretend. I know I might give up everything for sex drugs and money.
My brother is a fucking idiot. Maybe. But he once told me, “we do what we want, because we do what we love”. With my four years plus of psychology, I couldn’t have summed the core human motivation better. Maybe he’s and idiot savant.
The problem is, I been trying to trick myself. But I can’t. The sex drugs and money addiction does not lead to love peace and happiness. I can’t get to a point where the former things can ever be secure and stable enough to provide for anything close to the latter. But I did before. I don’t have it or enough dough to matter, but it was hard to tell me that money can’t buy happiness. But I don’t need it to know. I got friends. And me and my rich friends get shitfaced on drugs to find peace, no matter how fleeting, they may be because we all thirst peace (of mind).
And here I am. Lost again. Trying to figure out what it means and put it in writing. If I’m addicted, how do I truly break free from this cycle I have created? I feel like a guinea pig trying to hop from a spinning wheel.
But I am not gonna just hop off this muthafucka!
Cigarette smokers have nicorette. Alcoholics have AA. I need love. I need peace. And happiness. These will free the hooks and loosen the shackles of my addictions.
I have been smiling a lot lately, and maybe its because I been brushing and skimming through a lot of positive motivators and good books. Maybe its the wonderful time I have been having of late. Plus I’m knee deep in my addictions, for better or worse. I don’t do a lot of different drugs or women (and none that I am afraid to tell my doctor) but I’m basically not here right now. In mind, body, or soul, usually. And when I do touch down, its usually to grind some money or unfortunately, to wine and dine and/or grind some girl. But I’m looking for a way. A path to put it all away. And I almost have my paradigm for it all. How to Be A Gangster, coming soon?