I don’t think I have had a relationship since Laura and I that has countered my belief that relationships are shit. It was she who convinced me, that in love, you must be careful what you wish for and you should never say things you don’t mean.
I should have never said I love you. It tasted like bullshit leaving my tongue. She was too young to know love and these were the essence of what attracted us to each other. When it was over, we made sure of it. This is why (top 5 reasons why to be exact) me and Laura didn’t make it.
1. She listened to Drake too much. I know we are fans, but I don’t believe she ever heard of rap before Drake, sans a Bone Thugs song or two. It just didn’t mesh with my hip hop bboy swag. There were other bits of pop culture that she would cling on to as well, so maybe she was just a trendy kind of girl.
2. She rambled about her friends lives too much. You ever felt like you knew somebody before you met them? It was pretty much the same with anybody else. She loved gossip. I guess if you couple that with the shallow music taste, she came across as pretty thin cultured.
3. I never had a serious relationship with a white girl before this. So she wants to share our status on facebook. It was always about the damn facebook status. So now I feel like a trophy or some other statue on display. And I barely know if I am comfortable with this. The first night in public we were stoned with words for dating interracial. I got over my complex soon enough, but I resented her pushing PDA and family meetups and vacations in month 2.
4. She never apologized for anything. If she did, it was never sincere. I am always regretful and sincere. While this seems trite considering break up reasons, it actually speaks to the essence of why we didn’t fit. Anyone watching us knew this. Once a gay guy at work asked me if I was dating another girl, because it seemed like me and Laura were friends and the other girl and I seemed more. It was because our interactions were sincere and honest, and with my ex, she put pressure on each conversation to be, I don’t know, something more than words.
5. She never read this blog. When we broke up and I was dying to get her back, I coded messages in posts that I knew she wouldn’t read. She probably doesn’t even remember this journal exists. But if she ever read it, she’d see how hard it was to get over her. But she won’t. She didn’t then and she won’t now. And this is why we didn’t make it work. She didn’t care enough to try to make it work. And I found a way to stop caring.